Unanswered Questions


It was a momentary lapse of judgment,
It happened in the blink of an eye,
So many questions left unanswered,
So many loved ones asking why?

A husband, a son and a mother,
A sister, brothers, in laws, family,
Friends and more,
How did we not see it coming?
She was not someone we ignored!


But, in a momentary loss of judgment,
All of our lives have been changed,
And no matter what we do or feel now,
It will never be the same.

So I honor her memory daily,
By doing what I need to do,
And when things get rough & I’ve
Had enough,

I let her love carry me through.

For I know she loved us all greatly,
And is so sorry for our loss and pain,
She is waiting for us on the other side,
Until we meet again!

By Gary Nowak
Aka Jess Mei
© 10/30/2005

  • Die Zelle in Nonnenwerth7:16

Lifekeeper Promise

Someone we love
Did not keep their life
In pain and anguish
They ended their strife
In this lifetime on Earth
We'll see them no more
Yet we carry them always
In our soul, in our core

Now we're left here
And we must stay
We have Life to live
To the fullest each day
For we are the Lifekeepers
A promise we make
To celebrate their Lives
Our own not to take

We are the Lifekeepers
Truth Bearers, Peace Seekers
We are the Wounded
We are the Healed
We are the Lifekeepers
Our commitment now sealed

written by Sandy Martin

A Letter of Consolation
by Henri J. M. Nouwen


Real grief is not healed by time. It is false to think that the passing of time will slowly make us forget her and take away our pain. I really want to console you in this letter, but not by suggesting that time will take away your pain, and that in one, two, three, or more years you will not miss her so much anymore. I would not only be telling a lie, I would be diminishing the importance of her life, underestimating the depth of your grief, and mistakenly relativizing the power of the love that has bound you together for all these years.

The longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who she was for us, and the more intimately we experience what her love meant for us.  Real, deep love is, as you know, very unobtrusive, seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we take it for granted. Therefore, it is often only in retrospect——or better, in memory——that we fully realize its power and depth. Yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain. The pain we are now experiencing shows us how deep, full, intimate, and all—pervasive her love was.

I want to comfort and console you, but not in a way that covers up real pain and avoids all wounds. I am writing you this letter in the firm con­viction that reality can be faced and entered with an open mind and an open heart, and in the sincere belief that consolation and comfort are to be found where our wounds hurt most.

What did death do to you? If your experience of her death is in any way close to mine, you were “invited”-—as I was——to re—evaluate your whole life. Her death made you stop and look back in a way you had not done before. Death has given you new eyes with which to see your life. Death simplifies. Death lays bare what really matters, and in this way becomes your judge. As we review our lives long—forgotten events return to our memories, as if they had taken place only recently.

All these times have passed by like friendly visitors, leaving you with dear memories but also with the sad recognition of the shortness of life. In every arrival there is a leave taking; in every reunion there is a separation; in each one’s growing up there is a growing old; in every smile there is a tear; and in every success there is a loss. All living is dying and all celebration is mortification too.

As the days passed, our hearts came to know that she is gone, never to return. And it was then that real grief began to invade us. It was then that we turned to the past and saw that death had been present in our lives all along and that many farewells and goodbyes had been pointing to this dark hour.

​​​We are SOS (Survivors of Suicide) Orange County, CA

All of us here have lost a loved one to suicide.

Poem from a Friend


Hey, Mary, it’s me…Jesus, with whom you walk the walk,
I thought I would write you, because right now you cannot talk.
I’m standing right beside you now, as I have been all these years,
But I know you can’t quite see me with your eyes so full of tears.

When I got Nicole’s note, like you, I dropped to one knee and wept,
Knowing all about her trials while her faith in me she kept
I just took her in my arms, like a shepherd with his sheep,
And I will always hold her close to me, so don’t worry, there is no love so deep.

They call me, “The Good Shepherd”, because I will at any cost,
Leave the ninety-nine behind and seek the one lamb that is lost.
And now that I have found Nicole, there is joy in heaven above!
For she’s safely back within my flock and wrapped in arms of love.

On earth they called me, “The Man of Sorrows”, for I lived through lots of grief,
So I know your heartache and your pain and how much you seek relief.
I know your loving heart, Mary, and I know what you are going through,
So let’s just take it day by day, and my peace I will give unto you.

I promise I will give you strength, though you might not feel it yet,
Going through this traumatic time—is as difficult as life can get.
So take my hand, dear Mary, and hold onto it really tight
and focus on my presence all day long through the dark of night.
Love, Jesus

Note: Mary lost her daughter Nicole and

this is a poem written by a friend to Mary.

The author wishes to remain anonymous.